Lies My Mother Told Me: Tall Tales from a Short Woman


If you think Joan Rivers said funny, outrageous, and ridiculous things ONSTAGE, wait ’til you read the funny, outrageous, and ridiculous things she said OFFSTAGE…things that will make you laugh out loud…and keep Melissa in therapy for the foreseeable future.

The only thing my mother loved more than making people laugh was lying…or as she’d say, “embellishing.” Her motto was: “Why let the truth ruin a good story?”

This book contains some of those stories.


“When Joan told a story, the truth disappeared faster than I did.”
— Jimmy Hoffa

“If you thought Dante’s Inferno was hot, read Lies My Mother Told Me; it’s a five-alarmer.”
— Dante’s second wife, Allie

“Twelve of my twenty-six personalities loved this book.”
— Sybil

“The words on the page absolutely crackle and spark; I burned my fingers reading it!”
— Annie Sullivan

“The Bible may be the good book, but Lies My Mother Told Me is way funnier.”
— Matthew 2:14
The Jets. 7

Lies My Mother Told Me is the feel-good book of 2022.”
— Torquemada

“All’s not well that ends well. I’ve had massages with happier endings.”
— Wm. Shakespeare

“Melissa, I don’t care what your mother said in this book, I LOVE your bangs.”
— Mamie Eisenhower

Lies My Mother Told Me is so funny even those ‘woke’ m***********s will laugh.”
— Lenny Bruce