Trumpitude: The Secret Confessions of Donald’s Brain

By Ellis Henican

Yes, he’s an original. But that doesn’t mean you can’t out-Trump the Donald. You don’t need a filthy rich daddy, a fully funded Ivy League diploma, or even your own reality TV show. All it takes is some Trumpitude. If the Donald’s pulled it off then, really—how hard can it be? Here’s the handbook you’ve been waiting for:

• How to choose the perfect supermodel wife. (Not too much English, please.)
• How to turn the U.S. presidency into a four-year product-placement campaign (Why wouldn’t you?)
• How to tweet like no one’s looking. (Even if the whole world is).
• When to quit slapping your name on things. (We’ll have to get back to you on this one!)

By the time we’re through, you’ll be palling around with the world’s worst dictators. Your future will be huge-er than you ever imagined. Your hair will defy gravity and all good taste.